Survivor: Nowhere

If your friend is going to be stranded in a desert island, The Daily Post asks, what five objects would you send her off with?

Well, what a coincidence: my friend Ruby is going off to a small island next week. There’s a low pressure area or two currently brewing in the Pacific, looking like they’re headed our way, and our weather bureau says a supertyphoon before year’s end is a real possibility.

Now supertyphoons are no joke — parts of our country are still reeling from the one that hit us last year — and I’m hoping no one anywhere in the world ever finds himself or herself stuck in an uninhabited island when a storm decides to sashay by (not that any other time is a good time either). That said, if someone ever does, I’d hope he or she has on hand stuff that would make rescue quick, survival guaranteed, and the experience ever-so-slightly bearable.

In the hopefully totally unlikely event of desert-island-strandedness, here’s what I am going to send off with Ruby:

1. A cute guy with a satellite phone. Preferably a Chris Hemsworth clone. Because…I mean…right??
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2. A flare gun. Preferably twelve. Because being stuck on a deserted island with a Chris Hemsworth clone is all very well, but Ruby will probably want to get back to society in case George R. R. Martin gets around to finishing The Winds of Winter.
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3. A desalination kit. With several back-ups. Make that a desalination plant with its own power supply. Because as someone who does live in an island, I can tell you: islands can get really hot and then you’ll get really thirsty. (Oh, all right, and because humans need water to live.) The desalination kit/plant has to be 100% guaranteed to work; and while it’s working, it would be nice to also have several barrels of fresh, clean water already on hand.
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4. Food. Stuff that doesn’t expire until world peace is achieved. Dried mangoes to remind her of home. And rice. Definitely rice. It’s a Filipino thing: the juiciest steaks just aren’t as satisfying as when they’re eaten with a cup of rice. And speaking of steaks, perhaps lechon?
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5. Hmmm. I’m trying to decide between shelter and essential tools like knives and rope…ah! How about an entire house, with a garage that has all such essential tools?

All right, all right. I haven’t the faintest idea how to survive being stranded in a deserted island and I hope I (or Ruby, or anyone else for that matter) will never have a need to figure it out. But there’s a reason I am being megalomaniacally generous with my send-off items for Ruby: I’m going with her to that small island next week. So make that two Chris Hemsworth clones, please, each with a satellite phone. Thank you.

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“Survivor: Nowhere” was created by LSS for travel site Small-Town Girls, Midnight Trains. All rights reserved.